Lesson of life and death

We buried my fiance’s father on Monday.

His death was unexpected and seems unfair. I hate saying that his funeral “was beautiful.” It shouldn’t have been at all.

I last talked to Charles just after Christmas. I picked up the phone to hear “Hi future daughter-in-law” and we both laughed, looking forward to July when it will be official. I didn’t know him well, but the Charles I knew was warm, told great stories, and frequently made me laugh. I was looking forward being part of his family.

He was a committed military man -- so much that his son is an Air Force officer and his daughter married one. After retiring from active duty, Charles spent the next 21 years training young men and women in an Air Force Junior ROTC program. Current and former students filled a couple of pews at the funeral Mass with stiff, blue uniforms and tears creeping down their cheeks.

Now the arrangements are done. The flowers have been laid on the grave and we continue with a gaping hole in our lives.

I’m trying to see where this fits in God’s plan and what I’m supposed to learn. That's the only way I can come close to accepting his death. As my brother-in-law to be poignantly noted during the eulogy, we do not know the hour when God will bring us home. Usually we think of those verses in terms of preparing our own souls. But we must also repair and nurture our relationships. Resolve petty arguments and remind people you care – with more than a standard “I love you.”

I’ve also learned how much the little things matter. No one can do anything to make the situation better, but I’ve had friends checking on me and just to know that people are praying for us is a huge comfort. Please don’t underestimate those things next time you have a neighbor, co-worker or friend lose a family member. The "I'm sorrys" mean the world.

And I hope we learn from Charles himself. The man who raised my beloved believed in God, service, integrity and family. Those lessons will not die.

Bishop watch: Military edition

To all you Catholics at Barksdale AFB, you have a new bishop. This just in from the Vatican:

Pope Benedict XVI appointed "Archbishop Timothy Paul Broglio, apostolic nuncio to the Dominican Republic and apostolic delegate to Puerto Rico, as military ordinary for the United States of America."

The 55-year-old is originally from Cleveland and was ordained in 1977. He replaces Archbishop Edwin O'Brien, who now leads the Diocese of Baltimore.

Crossing military and religious lines

Another of my favorite people, Dr. Don Webb -- Welsh gentleman, Methodist minister, former president of Centenary College and former officer in the British Navy -- sent me a wonderful anecdote the other day.

This week is the 60th anniversary of Pakistan's independence. The nuclear power and its government's relationship to Islamic fundamentalists has been giving our government and presidential candidates some amount of heartburn. But Webb has a different take: "Surely we've an opportunity to reach out across religious and political lines, to rejoice with them? My own early experience with Pakistanis was enlighteningly positive -- and enabled me, much later in life, to relate contentedly and constructively with local Muslims."

In 1947, Webb was a mine sweeping officer in the British Royal Navy. While his ship was being repaired, the Navy gave him a bit of a break assigned him as a liaison officer to a Royal Navy destroyer, HMS Onslaught, which was a gift to the Pakistan Navy. He was to help train the Pakistanis on the ins and outs of their new ship, and spent several months in the English Channel and North Sea.

"It turned out, I was the only non-Muslim -- the only pink-skin! -- aboard: talk about differences! But we’d no time for them. We needed to become a good crew. So we did that.

The ship’s Gunner was Lt. Khan. We became friends -- and soon, so close that our differences of color and religion became obscured in our affection. I was accepted by officers and crew as a shipmate: life aboard Tugril was happy and effective. Then, Tugril went back to Pakistan, I back to mine sweeping…"

Photo: Dr. Webb from Times archives